Another Breastfeeding Position

You've probably seen this article already from Mothering.com about breastfeeding positions and the benefits of having babies be belly to belly with mom (as they should be in most nursing positions) but having baby be belly down, with gravity working in their favor. The article has some great points and I'll be sharing it with my childbirth class students and doula clients. The more resources parents have, the better! My only concern would be that the title says moms have been taught the "incorrect" way to nurse, and I think that's an incorrect assumption! Many moms have great success nursing in a variety of holds that may not be ideal for everyone, but work well with them. Each baby and each mom need to find the best fit for them, which may vary from one nursing session to the next and that's okay. However, the article presents really great information about how some moms and their little ones may experience fewer complications or find better success if they try this new belly-to-belly facing down pose for babies.

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Thinking About Being a Doula? Tips for Doulas

Being a doula is one of the most wonderful things I have ever done in my life. I love this work. That said - doula work has its challenges, and as a new doula I wasn't quite prepared for some of the surprises that may come. As a newbie I was told that the turnover rate seems to be about two years - veteran doulas told me that they see enthusiastic new doulas jumping in with both feet and within a couple years the entire crop of new doulas has already stopped attending births. In just the last few years I've seen this proven true.

My own doula journey began with a phone call - I had four babies of my own, and we were hoping and trying for another. An expectant momma called me and asked, "Would you be my doula?" I didn't even know what the word meant, but I knew I was being invited to attend her birth and I thought that sounded AMAZING. It was a fantastic experience for me, but I also had the parents express their gratitude for my help and support through the birth. Then another friend called (shortly after that much anticipated fifth baby of mine arrived) and asked me to attend her birth, which left me equally ecstatic when I heard the parent's expression of thanks. But with five little ones of my own keeping me busy, I decided to research doula training programs and put it on the back burner to happen "Someday."

When our sixth baby was six months old my husband, knowing training could take awhile, encouraged me to go ahead and get started. My hope was to get certified and maybe attend a couple births a year... little did we know! Just six months later I was officially a doula, and it's been a whirlwind since.

For many people I think they can immediately see the appeal of attending births - it's a BIRTH. It's an incredibly intense, emotional experience. (Though admittedly I've also had some people respond to hearing about my job with, "Yikes - why would people want to be there to see that?") But assuming you think birth is pretty awesome, the appeal is obvious. In part this explains why we have so much interest and so many new doulas joining the field, only to have a quick turnover when these bright eyed and optimistic people discover that doula work is exceptionally hard. It's HARD. Physically, emotionally, logistically, being a doula is not something people should jump into lightly. I'm thrilled to see new doulas joining the professional, I've mentored many and will continue to do so. But I think we do ourselves and parents a disservice when we don't provide a better picture of what doula work entails and better support each other through the ups and downs of doula-ing. (I think "doula-ing" is a made up word, but it fits!)

When new doulas are caught off guard by some of the challenges of this work then they're going to struggle to best support parents and are more likely to stop attending births - then we all lose! I'm being very blunt here - these are the hard parts of this work, and I don't want this to ever talk someone out of becoming a doula, but I want you to be more prepared than I was. So in the interest of encouraging some candid discussions, here are some things new doulas should consider - challenges we face, and some ways to help: Continue reading

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Birthy Blog Round Up! Parents’ Version

BetterBirthDoula.orgAfter seeing several posts recently that I thought were so helpful I decided a blog round up was in order! I've not decided if this will be a one time or on-going thing, but I know you'll find these authors to have some great insights. This is the round up for parents, but there's another round-up for birth professionals that's available through my Tips for Doulas series.

Natural Childbirth is Not Just for Superheroes was written by Delilah Ray and shared on the Frisco Women's Health blog. If you are feeling at all unsure about what type of birth you hope to pursue, go read this and be encouraged, whatever you decide!

Midwife Abbie offers five ways to help moms work towards a natural birth. (Yes, this is for you to read after Deliah's post above so you get some hands on tips on how to make it happen!)

Barbara Davis shares some great labor spots as an alternative to staying in bed. You may laugh at #1, but it really works!!

A review of Ina May from ThirtyOneStitches.com - I talk about Ina May's Sphincter law in the childbirth class I teach, and this post talks more about the book that comes from. I also love the beautiful quote from Ina May and image at the end of the post.

Sara Reimold writes a great argument for why we should rethink timing contractions during labor. She also includes an explanation of how hormones (oxytocin in particular) come into play and why those little timer apps may be counterproductive for laboring moms.

As a cesarean mom myself I really, really appreciated this beautiful post - Three Truths About C-Section Mamas. It's bittersweet when births don't go as we may hope, but they can still be amazing, empowering experiences.

And for you fellow VBAC mommas - How to have a VBAC from the fantastic Maria Pokluda at GreatExpectationsBirth.com. (I'm a 3VBAC mom myself, so I'm pretty passionate about this topic!)

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Mermaids & Birth

11703129_950301634991882_3262375096443407105_nYes, this is an actual discussion happening at my house today. There were strong opinions shared and someone yelled, "Look, no vagina!"

However, we did some polling and got suggestions from others. Do mermaids give birth to live young or lay eggs? Do mermen carry the babies like male seahorses? But mermaids have breasts so they must be mammals somewhat, even if they are fish from the waist below? We decided mermaids probably birth like dolphins? So here you go! A dolphin birth video.

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Loss Support | Tips for Doulas

(Trigger warning - please skip this post if you are healing from a recent loss!)

Originally posted May 2012, updated May 2015.

Today is International Bereaved Mother's Day to remember all of those who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. It is estimated that 15 to 20% of confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriage by 20 weeks, with estimates as high as 50% of all pregnancies ending (many not yet confirmed.) Each family will grieve differently, and there is no "right" way to mourn. It's so important that we offer our love and support and communicate with the family so we can best serve them. Chances are you have friends and family who have experienced losses and as a doula you will work with mothers who have experienced prior losses - or a current loss. As painful as this topic is, being unprepared or thoughtless in our response can be incredibly hurtful for parents.

This is an excellent article on how to help a family after a loss. This would be helpful for friends, family, and doulas! During our losses we unfortunately heard many well meaning but hurtful comments, and this article has suggestions for what to say - and what to NOT say.

For doulas I encourage you to contact your local hospitals and ask about any loss training they may provide. You can also read some of these books:

Companioning at a Time of Perinatal Loss: A Guide for Nurses, Physicians, Social Workers, Chaplains and Other Bedside Caregivers

Empty Arms: Hope and Support for Those Who Have Suffered a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Tubal Pregnancy

Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, Revised Edition: Surviving the Death of Your Baby

The above are affiliate links, and if you purchase through them you help keep this site as a resource for parents and birth professionals. Thank you!!

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Nice Girls Book – Worth the Read! | Tips for Doulas


Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers

This has been a really, really interesting read for me. While it's geared towards women in the typical corporate work environment, it absolutely applies to us as business owners & doulas. Apart from a handful of suggestions that I think would NOT apply to birth workers (like never cry at work - we cry at work and in this field that's okay! I totally cried at my last birth, it was so overwhelming and amazing!) I felt virtually everything still would benefit birth workers. From interviews and first impressions to prenatal consults or setting boundaries with clients to how we handle potential feedback that may feel negative and critical of us. This book can help you!

My educational background is sociology (specifically I focused on sociology of gender and women's studies) so I was fascinated by this book from that angle. Our american society has some pretty strict expectations based on gender, and this book puts a few of those practices under a magnifying glass. As doulas we are obviously working in a field that is rather female focused, but we are balancing that with the very non-gender specific need to run a sustainable business. I like that this book starts with a quiz for you to assess areas in which you may be sabotaging or undermining yourself as a worker, helping you focus on the tips that apply best to you and letting you skip some that aren't an issue for you.

I read the whole book anyways because it was so intriguing for me! Not that women are the only ones making these mistakes, I know people have done these things regardless of their gender, but women are more likely to practice (or not practice) some of these behaviors in the workplace and experience negative consequences as a result.

Sections include: How you play the game, how you act, how you think, how you brand & market yourself, how you sound, how you look, and how you respond. Some chapters focus on money in particular (Denying the Importance of Money, Being Financially Insecure) and others focus on setting boundaries (Putting Work Ahead of Your Personal Life, Letting People Waste Your Time.) As a doula I feel that some of these tips don't apply because of the unique nature of our work, but they're still good to read about: Using Only Your First Name, Using Touchy-Feely Language, Speaking Softly, Feeding Others, Helping. Those are things we absolutely do (and should do) as doulas, and I was amused reading about how those same skills that are important to our doula work are viewed differently in a corporate environment. The doulas role is to provide emotional support and nurturing, but in an office those same behaviors understandably send a different message. Some things that are good for doulas includes the chapter Tilting Your Head, which the author says SHOULD be used in some situations to increase empathy and indicate your are hearing them.

For doulas struggling with viewing themselves as business owners, focusing on branding and marketing, networking, and creating healthy work/home boundaries this may be especially helpful. I think it was one of the most beneficial business books I've read, and I hope you'll check it out as well. I would love to hear your thoughts about it!

(Links in this post are Amazon affiliate, so if you purchase through them it provides a small percentage of financial support for this website - thanks in advance! This review was provide of my own accord, I have no connection with the author or publisher and all opinions are entirely my own.)

*As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases made through affiliate links.  This does not impact your purchase price, and helps support this website.

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Doula Bag Supplies List – Version TWO |Tips for Doulas

Written May 2012, updated April 2015.Doula Camera Bag I've tried a variety of bags over the years, from diaper bags to standard backpacks to rolling suitcases to camera backpacks. Every doula has to find the right fit for her and that may take time, and that's okay! Sometimes I don't pull most of these things out (except the camera) and that's okay. Knowing that I have them ready to help if needed is enough, and the longer I doula the less I find I really need.

After trying a variety of options I keep coming back to this photo backpack. The dividers let me see everything quickly and easily, it's designed to be worn during photoshoots so it's got lots of padding to be worn comfortably (not that you are wearing it during a birth!) It's inexpensive, and it's great. I got mine on Amazon here, but if you search for "photo backpack" you'll see lots of styles.

DOULA BACKPACK:

* paper & pen to write birth timeline & copy of their birth time plan (or I have these on my phone)
* massager (I love these BUT I rarely use them as I tend to rely more on my own hands and the partner's hands.)
* rebozo
* birth affirmation & scripture cards, they take up almost no space and I've had clients request them specifically
* cotton pads (for essential oils, easy to toss if they end up not liking the scent)
* Colgate Wisp (disposable toothbrush for mom or dad) & mints
* essential oils on my keychain
* battery operated mini-fan (for transition, moms get hot and I grab this often)
* hot water bottle (for lower back)
or I sew up a rice pack for each client to use in labor/keep afterwards.
* mini-cooler (to hold ice water for dippings wash cloths for mom in transition)
* camera equipment: Canon 60D, bounce flash, 35mm lens, 50mm lens, back up batteries, charger, spare memory cards

Personal stuff for me in the doula bag:
* wallet & change purse
* toiletries: toothbrush & paste, chapstick, lotion, hand sanitizer, mini-deodorant
* snacks
* mini first aid kit & meds, feminine hygiene stuff
* jacket (those hospitals can be COLD)

STUFF IN CAR:
change clothes (If things go long or I get messy - it happens!)
peanut ball (I grab it if mom decides to stay in bed and rest or if she gets the epidural, though most hospitals in our area now have them.)

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Heat Pack Options for Birth & Beyond | Tips for Doulas

BetterBirthDoula.orgMany, many moms find that heat on their lower back is helpful during labor, especially if baby is OP and they're experiencing back labor. I've tried a few options for heat packs and wanted to review some of the pros and cons here. Ideally clients will have some time of hot pack they bring to the birth themselves but they may not have one, or may forget to pack it, so many doulas do provide one.

* Plug in heating pads. Easy to wipe down to clean, covers are washable, they can get extremely hot, but you're limited by the cord needing an outlet. They're not very expensive and easy to find. You also don't have to leave the client to heat it up at a birth. They don't cool down (though some turn off automatically after a set time, you can just turn it back on.) This one I have at home (I've not tried it for a birth) but I love it for warming my bed on cold winter nights. The cord I decided wasn't long enough to provide much mobility at a birth, but it's great if you know mom will be in one spot for an extended time such as her bed - Sunbeam

* Hot water bottle. Also easy to wipe down, covers are washable, they cannot get as hot, which can be a good thing. You can fill with hot tap water and if that's not enough, add a cup or two of hot water from the coffee maker, presuming the hospital/birth center has one. That may require you to leave the room/client. The cool off and require refilling, but that's a quick fix. I just purchased this one with the washable fleece cover - though some of those knit sweater type covers are adorable! Carex Hot Water Bottle with Fleece Cover

* Rick packs. These are trickier as they cannot be cleaned, though previously I had some with washable covers. I ended up gifting one of mine to the client after it got messy. You can easily sew these for clients, as they're lovely to have postpartum as well. After recent discussion on a doula board I agree that there is no way to ensure these are clean and shouldn't be shared between clients. (Despite keeping mine in the washable cover and wrapping in a towel at the birth, they can still get dirty.) They need a microwave to heat them, and at one local hospital to me that is only behind a locked door that requires staff to give you access. Depending on how busy they are at the nurses' station this may mean I'm away from the client 5+ minutes while waiting to be let in and for the hot pack to heat. It's not long, but when things are moving fast even that length of time away can be nerve wracking. They also need to be reheated relatively often, sometimes within the same hour depending on what mom needs. (They can stay warm for hours, but not hot.) I love this one, but new covers were almost as much as the rice pack itself - Earth Therapeutics - Lavender Chamomile

* Reusable instant heat gel packs get nicely hot, last comparable time to rice packs or hot water bottles, don't require you to leave the mom's side, and can be easily cleaned and reused down the line. However, they cannot be reused instantly as they have to be "recharged" by boiling them. They are also one of the pricier options. You can see some options online like this: Heat Wave

Currently I'm trying out the hot water bottle and my primary concern is getting it hot enough for mom's comfort. I'll let you know what feedback I get about it!

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Playing Doula! Also, New Doula Suggestions | Tips for Doulas

Written March 2012, updated April 2015.

So a friend or family member has asked you to be their doula, and you're not sure how to best help... or for new doulas preparing to attend your first birth, how can you better serve this couple? Continue reading

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My Mini-Doula

Mini-DoulaMy 8 year old daughter has been fascinated with all things birth, and begging for a chance to attend a birth as the photographer or "mini-doula." She was present at my 5th and 6th births and thought the entire process was awesome. Afterwards she shared with her entire Sunday School class all about how her mommy pushed a baby out of her vagina and how babies grow in your uterus. (The teachers were laughing so hard when they told me about it afterwards.) We've also talked about momma's scar from my c-section and how sometimes babies come out that way if they need some extra help. Both of the girls in these photos are VBAC babies, the youngest born in the water. I love that my kids are comfortable with & know about birth, in all its varieties!

Mini-DoulaIt will be a few more years before I think she'll be ready, but I've had friends and clients say they would love to have one of my kids help at their birth with caring for younger siblings. I know for my own births that childcare was a huge concern, and having a care taker present who is so comfortable with birth would be a fantastic resource. My oldest daughter and I are already talking about what types of doula packages I could offer clients that would include her services as a babysitter (she's a young teen.) Once they are 16+ and if clients were interested I would love having either of them attend births to help in that role. As a laboring parent, would you be comfortable with a teen sitter caring for siblings at your birth?

The photo is my 8 year old, she told me she's "playing doula" with her younger sister and she packed her doula bag: rice pack, massage tool, essential oils, and her camera (a hand-me-down of mine.) She's apparently been paying a lot of attention to what I do. The little one is our four year old - she stuffed a pillow up her shirt because she said she's the momma having the baby. (She's calling her doula on the pretend cell phone, she said.)

I love it!

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