I often share the analogy that a doula at a birth is like a maid of honor at a wedding. But I'm starting to realize that a doula provides all sorts of extra help you don't even think about, so I'm thinking there are benefits to have a wedding doula, which isn't exactly the same as a maid of honor. 🙂 Like a birth doula, a wedding doula helps the couple to learn about their options and decide what feels best to them. A wedding doula encourages a couple to articulate their hopes and dreams for their birth wedding and to convey these wishes to everyone in their family. During the stressors of the day the doula helps the couple to focus on each other, to remember why they are there and to enjoy the moment. A doula helps to eliminate the little distractions that could intrude into that private space, and helps to ease the anxiety of the couple as they go through this momentous occasion. I've been there myself and know the tricks and tips to make the day go more smoothly!

My littlest sister is getting married. She's the youngest of seven, the final wedding of the siblings, and you can imagine we're all excited. As we were discussing the various things to be done for the wedding and all the ways family is helping, I joked with her that I could bring my doula bag to have on hand with the fan, mints, etc. Then I realized that's it - I WANT TO BE THE WEDDING DOULA! And she said I could be. 🙂 She made my very cute mini doula bag and I asked if she had any yarn in green (their wedding color.) She had some, so tonight while watching a movie I crocheted that little satchel for her wedding day. Mini-fan to cool you off, emergency tissues, tiny toothbrush & mints/gum, baby wipes, water bottle spare pen, lotion, and a back up camera.

How fun is that?? I get to be a wedding doula.

I've had some interesting discussions lately about hiring doulas, and the criteria parents consider. Here are some of the questions I've heard pondered:

* Would you hire a doula who was not a mother?

* What about her birth history? Is it important that she have births similar to yours, or similar to the type you are going for? (Hospital, natural, vaginal, cesarean, VBAC?)

* Would you hire a mom who only had vaginal births if you've had (and were planning to have) cesarean births?

* If you're going for a VBAC mom would you want your doula to also be a VBAC mom?

* When having an out of hospital birth (home or birth center) do you care if your doula only had hospital births?

* You want a natural/meds free birth, your doula has only birthed with the epidural/meds - does that matter to you?

* Would you hire a male doula? Would you hire a male OB?

It's been thought provoking for me to consider types of birth and how they influence our choice of doulas. When we interviewed doulas for our fifth birth we chose someone who had one natural, hospital birth. It didn't matter to me that she hadn't birthed out of the hospital or experienced a cesarean birth and VBAC. She was the right fit for us. However, it was important to me that she had experienced a meds free birth because I felt that meant she would better understand what I was going to be feeling and how to better support me. I wanted her to know the intensity, and how to connect to me in that moment.

Sometimes a doula's birth history really matters to a couple. I've heard of some moms looking specifically for a doula who had a cesarean and VBAC as the client prepared for their first VBAC. It was important to them that their doula had firsthand experience with the emotions involved and that extra level of concern.

I underestimated how relevant my own birth history has been to clients, but without fail it's been brought up by parents at prenatal visits, and sometimes at the births themselves! I've experienced a variety of births, both in and out of the hospital, vaginal, cesarean, VBAC, epidural, and finally a waterbirth. My six births have varied dramatically! I'm thankful for what each has taught me, and humbled when my own experiences can help me better connect and serve parents. I do think our births influence our work, and I hope it makes me a better doula.

So as you choose your doula, consider what feels right to you. Do you care if your doula's birth experiences are similar to yours? What if she's worked with clients in situations like yours, but not personally birthed like you? Ultimately I think it comes down to what feels best to you and your partner, and finding the doula who you feel is the right fit. While that may be a doula with very similar experience to your own, you may find your perfect doula has birthed in ways completely different from you - or never given birth at all!

And for the record, I've heard of some incredible doulas who are not yet mothers, and one birth attended by a male "doula" who was apparently quite amazing! While firsthand birth experience gives us one type of knowledge to draw from, the hands on work of doulas and intuition are also crucial contributors to a doula's skill set. The free, in person consultation with a doula is an important way to determine who will be the best doula for YOU.

A doula mentor mentioned to me that it's rare a doula gets photos of herself at work, unless there's a professional photographer at the birth. I was lucky that a father at a recent birth was taking some photos, and they kindly said I can share them!

Here we're talking about how she's feeling and what we're going to try next:

I know this looks like I'm torturing her with my elbow (and smiling about it!) but we were doing some counter pressure and massage. 🙂

More counter pressure on her lower back as she labors in the tub:

It was fun for me to see myself working as a doula!