So a friend or family member has asked you to be their doula, and you’re not sure how to best help… or for new doulas preparing to attend your first birth, how can you serve this couple?
* My first thought – pray! 
Whatever your religious affiliation, I find incredible strength through seeking inspiration. I pray about every couple I work with and every birth I attend – you can bet I’m praying for guidance. Birth can be fast or slow, but in either case find a moment to pause and focus. Whether through prayer or listening to your intuition, stop long enough to look around and see what you can do to help. Ideas will come.
* Sit down with the couple in advance of the birth if at all possible to discuss their hopes for the birth and their expectations for YOU. Do they want someone to give verbal help, hands on care, explanations for various procedures, reminders of their birth plan? Ask if they have a birth plan and review it with them, as you may need to remind them of various aspects of their plan when things are going fast. (You don’t speak to the staff for the couple, but you remind the parents to speak to the staff and ask any questions they may have.) Consider attending a prenatal visit with them so you can meet their care provider in advance.
* Become familiar with the stages of labor, comfort techniques, positions for labor, etc. If at all possible read yourself (and suggest to the couple that they read) some of these books. Or at least read the chapters I specify on that post, if you don’t read the entire book. Here are some posts about helping a slow to start labor, comfort technique video, etc – getting ready for baby!
* While many hospitals have a lactation consultant on staff, they are not always available after hours and can widely vary on their helpfulness. If the mom wants to breastfeed then suggest she connect with the local La Leche League and find out about lactation consultants in her area. This is also a great resource they may want to read in advance – The Breastfeeding Book: Everything You Need to Know About Nursing Your Child from Birth Through Weaning
* Pack a bag – you’ll need a change of clothes for yourself, snacks, water bottle, change for the machine, your wallet, cell, a camera if helping with photos, chapstick, lotion, pen and notecard (for timeline) and a jacket or sweater. (Hospitals are cold!) For the parents considering packing a bag-o-tricks: rice sock, peppermint or other essential oils, a mini fan, etc. You can see my full doula bag list here. You do not need all of those items – what you most need to comfort a mother are your hands and your voice.
* Relax. Your calm presence will offer reassurance and comfort, and you don’t have to do everything perfectly right to be able to truly help a laboring mom. Look around and see what you can do – would she like the lights dimmed? Something to eat or drink? Does she need to use the bathroom? Help her change positions at least every 30 minutes. Would she like some music playing? Does dad need to step out to get a drink or use the restroom? Does some pressure on her lower back help during contractions? Would a warm rice pack help? A cool cloth on her head? You won’t be able to remember everything, and that’s okay! You’re working to help create a calm, peaceful birthing environment, and your smile and assurances will work wonders.
Any other tips you would share for someone doula-ing for the first time??
Watch and listen….that is one of the most important things to do. So often, we think we always need to be doing something, but in order to know what to do, we need to be able to listen to the said and unsaid cues of the mom(and dad). When you do something, watch how the mother responds and adjust accordingly.